Family Court Room Attire (For Men)

We want to believe people see us for who we are inside as person; that others can see beyond our appearance, and not judge us by our cover.

The Fact is we as human being respond very strongly to visual stimuli – we make snap decisions in less than a few seconds and then spend the next few minutes trying to confirm our initial impression.
Read the above sentence again – it’s that important.

In the pictures above, which man would you be more likely to listen to let alone approach you without reservation? Obviously the man on the right is going to be given at least 30 to 90 seconds to make his case – the man on the left? I’ve already made a negative snap decision. I admit the above example is an extreme case.

Nevertheless, any citizen subject to law should consider what he wears when meeting a courtroom judge, a lawyer, or other government official who has to make a decision concerning them. Hopefully you won’t be standing trial for a felony charge, however even in traffic court a man should not neglect what clothing he wears as judgments are made and rendered.

Wearing appropriate clothes to court also pays respect to the integrity of the judicial system. The United States is one of the few countries where participants in civil proceeding have a lot of flexibility in their dress – however that does not give us the freedom to dress as we please.

Note that judges can and will throw you out for dressing inappropriately – so take the time to select clothing that shows the judge, lawyers, and the legal clerks that you care about the laws and your rights.

CLOTHING:

For a good first impression, clothing should be selected to convey the message that "I care about my appearance because I care about myself, and I also care about my children."

Shabby clothes can suggest that you lack the funds to take care of your children, thereby preventing you from being appointed as a managing conservator. On the other hand, an overly expensive wardrobe can imply that you can afford to pay everyone's attorney fees with the greatest of ease. Try to achieve a look of respectable and financially stable without appearing too well-off. For most, the conservative "business" look works best; however, it important to reflect your true socio-economic status to avoid being judged a "liar" because of your clothing. A carpenter shouldn't dress like a wall Street broker, and vice versa. Avoid the "high fashion" look and don't dress for women-the sexy look is inappropriate for the courtroom. The following suggestions work well for most men in court.

HAIR:
Styling and length of hair shouldn't matter, but it does! Judges tend to identify men with shoulder-length hair, ponytails or extreme Afros as anti-establishment and, therefore, not a particularly a "good" family man. A good rule-of thumb is, the shorter the better. "But I like my hair long!", you may argue. You must decide for yourself whether your hairdo is more important than your parent-child relationship. Hair should be combed into place before entering the courtroom. To many judges, uncombed disheveled hair conveys a message of personality disorganization-a father who is disorderly and unstable.

FACIAL HAIR:
The less, the better. A will-trimmed mustache is generally accepted as "within the norm" but extremes, such as handlebars, drooping sides, and goat-tees will probably be considered anti-establishment. If a beard is worn, it should be short and extremely well-trimmed. A scraggly-looking, uneven beard is likely to be interpreted by most judges as slovenly and irresponsible.

SHIRT AND NECKTIE:
Tee-shirts and polo shirts don't "cut it" if you want to be taken seriously by the court. They convey a message of disrespect for the court. Wear a white or light/pastel blue dress shirt that has recently been intimately acquainted with the ironing board. If you wear a necktie, best are a repeating diagonal stripe or a conservative paisley pattern. Stay away form the "loud" or "neon" colors and the splashy patterns.

SUIT:
If you wear a suit, it should fit very well and well pressed. Gray or navy blue is preferable to brown or green. Never wear a cheap suit to court, because they are ill-fitting and guaranteed to make you look ridiculous.

PANTS:
Khaki or gray slacks with a leather belt work well toward achieving the "right look for court". Do not wear jeans or shorts!

JACKET:
A sport coat should blend well with the colors of the whole outfit, and should achieve a "soft" (non-threatening) look. Avoid bright colors and large plaids. 

SHOES:
Leather and polished. Slip-on shoes for slacks and jacket; slip-on or laced shoes for a suit. Sneakers and sports-shoes, no matter how expensive, show a lack of respect for the court, and should not be worn. Wear dark socks (preferably navy or gray) that blend with the entire ensemble.

JEWELRY:
The less, the better! Avoid large, flashy rings, No bracelets. No visible neck chains. If you sometimes wear an earring, leave it at home--don't invite the judge to think you a gypsy rover.

WESTERN WEAR:
Unless you are a rancher appearing in a rural court, leave the "Drugstore Cowboy" outfit in the closet.

BODY SIGNALS:
Although some people get carried-away with ascribing various "meanings" to certain body postures, there are few things that you should refrain from, to avoid being branded by the judge in a negative fashion.

• Don't cross your arms across your chest (message: defiant).

• Don't clench your fists (message: Provocative, violent, ready to fight).

• Don't stand with your hands clasped across the groin (message: Self-defensive; vulnerable).

• Don't look down at the floor unless you dropped something (message: Dazed or guilty).

• Don't shift your weight from one foot to the other (message: Nervous, insecure, lacking self-confidence).

• Don't sprawl-out over two or three chairs when seated (message: Lack of respect for the court).

• Don't lean forward with elbows on the knees (message: Bored).

The best standing posture is straight up with shoulders back, chest out, and un-clenched hands hanging straight at the sides. Head should be level, so that you are looking straight-ahead. Somewhere between a military and ease stance. Neither too rigid nor too loose.

When seated, keep the hands to your sides, in your lap, or on the table. One foot slightly in front of the other, or legs crossed. Look straight ahead and try to appear relaxed, confident, and controlled.

SPEAKING:
Speak-up so that you can be heard. If you are normally soft-spoken, practice projecting your voice. If you tend to mumble, pay close attention to enunciating your words clearly and distinctly.

Always preface (or end) your statements to the judge with "Your Honor". The less formal "Yes, sir" is not particularly appreciated, and many female judges will take offense at "Yes, ma'am". Never address the judge with expressions such as "Yo, Judge!" (It has happened in a Dallas court!)

When addressing the judge, make prolonged eye contact. Eyes darting-around the room, or intermittent eye contact may be interpreted to mean that you are "shifty" or untrustworthy. (Be aware that the attorney for the opposing party wants you to make prolonged eye contact with him/her during cross-examination. Attorneys often use that technique to build-up your trust, just before leading you down the primrose path of questions cleverly designed to make you testify against yourself without realizing what you are doing! There is no law requiring you to make prolonged eye contact with the attorney for the opposing party.)

MISCELLANEOUS:
Conduct yourself with the dignity that the judge expects in the court. If you enter the courtroom grinning and waving to your friends, the judge's first impression of you will be that you are cocky or arrogant, and it can be very difficult to overcome such a misconception.

Be prepared for court. Know what you are doing, and why you are doing it. Know exactly what your rights are, and where they are spelled-out. It's a good idea to have a copy of your state Family Code and rules of Court in front of you, with bookmarks at the appropriate places for easy references.

Be organized. Have your outline/notes in front of you with what you want to say, in the order it should be presented. Case history research will help you in getting organized.

Portray yourself as the injured party whose rights have been violated, rather than the angry person who has "just had it" with the system. A chip-on-the-shoulder attitude has no place on the courtroom.

If the opposing party makes a spectacle of herself/himself in the courtroom (emotional outbursts, inappropriate language, etc.) don't lose your cool! Refrain from laughing or gloating; look just a bit concerned about their apparent instability.

Never have a cocktail "to take the edge off" before a hearing.